Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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