1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she smelled like a LAN party
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
