Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
