Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
