I faked an abortion last night.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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