Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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