I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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