I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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