At least make sure they are 18
Why
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
