I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
