Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
