lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
