It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
