Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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