I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
