There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
