I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
