boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
