No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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