I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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