I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im holly from the hills drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
