just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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