you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This baby is an asshole
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
