mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
