i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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