When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
