i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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