They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
