I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
