woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
