You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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