i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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