So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
