on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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