yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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