So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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