A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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