Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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