When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
