he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
