Just fell off a train. Bad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
