Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
