My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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