Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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