If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
