I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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