is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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