ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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