Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
