He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
